Public Speaking

I am a very shy person and generally don't have much to say for myself until I get to know people and feel comfortable. This is often misinterpreted as me being standoffish, rude and snobby.
Crazy Aunt Purl does a fantastic job of explaining the fears and anxieties of meeting new people, of entering a room full of people and feeling they will judge you that you should go and read her and then come back here.

Most people have some fear of public speaking, but seeing as normal speaking can be scary for me, public speaking is just HUGE.


I completed Certificate IV of my studies last year but the graduation ceremony wasn't held until this week.
It was at this ceremony that they wanted me to speak.
Not only did they want me to speak, I was to present some of my work.
Share it for all the world (ok not the world, 60 or so people) to see.
Shall we just say denial.......
For weeks I have been living in denial, not reading through my work, not practicing presenting it.
Stubborn, hope it all goes away, denial.

Just as stubbornly the date of the ceremony got closer.
And closer.

Until the 8th of March showed up in my face and it was just there.
I considered not going.
But I really wanted to see my classmates and see what direction everyone had gone in.
I figured I could go and if it got too bad I could just leave...

So I went and I got my certificate from the minister of education and training.

And I sat, and listened to the rest of the stuff that goes on at these ceremonies.

And I waited....( they seem to think it's funny to put me last so I have to sit terrified and shaking even longer.)

And finally ( it always feels longer when you are waiting)
it was my turn.

I went up there, I found my page, I said my stuff.

It flowed. I didn't mix up my words. They were listening.

They were paying attention and taking in what I had to say.
They were understanding what I was saying and laughing where they were supposed to. And in that moment I forgot to be scared.
I was almost a little bit excited......... ( I said almost).

And then it was done.
I had spoken in front of all those people, and the people with titles and I was still alive.

And the best part......
was when people, people I don't know, people who came there to support other students, came up to me to say they had liked my work.

I had feared and done it anyway.
I went home on such a high.
I couldn't sleep for hours.

No I don't want to do it again, speaking in public still terrifies me; but that rush of getting past the fear, for even that moment..... maybe bungee jumping isn't such a bad thing.