Tuesday, December 28, 2004

And today the knitting wins

Yep, Today the knitting wins...... well it was till my sock got to the hard part ( the heel) hence the need to blog instead. Delaying tactics anyone?
Yes I know.... I WILL make this damn sock.......... eventually.
And yes I know once I have made it I will be wondering what on earth was so hard about it.
But at the moment the instructions just arent making much sence to me. Although I have been assured they will magically make sence once I have done it....... One needs to do this to learn it apparently.
Well back to the learning process I guess.

Ok continuing from before...... have since been fooling around and randomly looking at other ppls blogs....... Stumbled upon Alyx's blog and wow.
Here I am dribbling on about being frustrated by not knowing how to make a damn sock while it would seem her whole world is falling appart.
Up untill now I have really only been reading knitting blogs as a way of finding out what others are making or intend to make ect...... all pretty tame as most ppls whose blogs I have read have kept their blogs fairly nuetral....... based on knitting and a bit about their lives, enough so you get a feel for what kind of a person they might be but not enough that you feel you really know them.

Alyx's blog differs hugely from this as it is just raw feelings being expressed...... you read it and all you can feel is her pain and confusion. Im not sure if she ever really meant for it to be read or if it is just an outlet she has found for expressing herself. Blah its been posted on the "Net" so of course its meant to be read......... I guess I mean read by ppl she knows........... Isnt it always easier to talk to a total stranger than those closest to us???

And Alyx.... I have no idea if my comment will link back to this........ blah I still havent figured out how to make my posts appear after each other...... but if you ever read this.......... your parents do care...... their walking away is because they care so much... because they dont know what to do next..... because they dont understand or know what you need......... they feel helpless.

And feeling helpless, not having control...... not being able to stop your pain is more than most ppl could deal with....... even more so when its your parents...
They are the ones that love you in a way that no one else ever could and to see you hurt destroys every idea and image and dream of what they want for you in your life.
This is where I sound like all the grown ups you have ever known and say " you wont ever understand the love of a parent untill you yourself are a parent " But honestly its true.
And damn i so want to kick my mum for actually being right about that........ but of course its the ONLY thing she was ever right about......

And YES I have been guilty of this myself...... of backing away cause its too hard to see ppl I care about hurting so damn much......... ( Andy.... I know you think I have walked away at times ) of not knowing what to do or what to say......... feeling that everything that can possibly said has been said a million times and nothing has changed. That I cant change anything........ that I am powerless to help. That just listening isnt enough.... that understanding isnt enough. Feeling too much of my own pain to be able to take on any of anyone elses. Trying not to feel......
OH wow and this was soooooooo meant to just be all light hearted and a lil place i could keep a track of my creative confusion and express my frustrations and triumphs ( blah there had better be triumphs)........ way too much thinking today........ ok back to the sock challenge

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